Have questions, will ask

Apoorva Jakhar

Lipstick Under My Burkha is finally here, but why did it become such an issue in the first place? That’s because it asks questions that women are not supposed to ask. It questions patriarchy. It asks why desires should only be men’s to harbour. It asks why women can’t have a life. It questions the status quo. Wondering where do these questions come from? Well, they come from amongst us.

In today's society, reproduction is considered to be a woman's main role. This beautiful phenomenon, which is a reminder of her strength, has become a limitation. It acts like a chain, tying her down instead of setting her free. Komal was one to suffer. Haryana-based activist Kavita Vidrohi tells us her story. “Komal’s husband and in-laws harassed her all the time for not having a baby. Having suffered enough, she went back to her parent’s house. For the mother and father, an unmarried girl at home was very inauspicious. So, they got her married for a second time. When she still couldn’t conceive, she was harassed again; this time, physically too. Fed up with her parents and in-laws treating her as a ping pong ball, she walked away, from both her marriage and her parents. Today, she is an activist who helps women face such situations.” And Komal is not alone, Kavita says from her field experience. Many women are now speaking up against the oppression that they have faced due to their gender.

The absence of a voice for women is not unintentional. The lack of a platform for women to express their opinions is a design of patriarchy. Women are systematically taught to keep quiet. But more and more women are rejecting traditional roles and asking uncomfortable questions that the society attempts to sweep under the carpet.

Jagjit Kaur, a brilliant singer, had just started her Masters in vocal music when her marriage was finalised. “My in-laws were supportive of my education before marriage, however, I later realised that they were all lies. It was a very difficult time. When I told my parents about it, they told me to hold on to the marriage and assured that the situation would get better with time. When I decided that I had faced enough humiliation, I told my parents that I would get a divorce with or without their support. After many discussions, they understood,” she says. However, it is not easy being a divorcee. “I have also faced discrimination after my separation. Relatives would attempt to dictate my life by telling me to wear suits and to not laugh as I was a divorcee.” Her hardships made her stronger. She is currently pursuing M.Phil. in vocal music from Panjab University. “I want to describe and bring forward the problems faced by women with the help of art and culture as what we see and hear shapes our thinking. Through my singing and actions, I want to tell women that it is okay to stand up for themselves.”

It is okay to stand up. Stand up and fight. Being a lawyer entails speaking up against injustice and women advocates play a very important role in representing the voice of women. Ironically, women work in an environment that attempts to stifle their voices. “The atmosphere in the legal system is highly sexist. The crèche for children of woman advocates of Punjab & Haryana High Court is situated in Sector 17, which is far from the court premises. It is not feasible for women who have to breastfeed their babies every two hours. This affects their professional life. If you listen to the conversations of women in the hall room, you will mostly hear about household chores to be done. This happens because there is no support system for women and they end up being overworked,” says Arti, a fierce proponent of gender equality, who practices at the high court.

Women lawyers also face more difficulty when it comes to promotion and relationships. “A lot of women work as juniors under advocates for eight to nine years but fail to become independent lawyers. They also have problems getting married as families are afraid that a lawyer will fight and argue a lot,” she says. But she speaks with a proud smile when she talks about her two-year-old daughter. She says she is raising her in a manner that encourages thinking, expressing and, most importantly, questioning. 

Questioning existing beliefs and speaking out is very important for Varisha Tariq too. A staunch feminist and student of Ashoka University, Sonepat, she says education for women was never given enough importance because it then becomes a tool that helps you think. When daughters rebel, the first thing that most families threaten their daughters with is that they will stop their education, and marry them off. Is this question ever posed to a son,” she asks.

While sexism is prevalent in households, there are many families which treat all as equal. “In our family, everybody's opinion is sought and paid heed to, irrespective of their gender,” says Priyanka Shankar, also a student of Ashoka University. However, she is well aware of the situation outside her home, “I personally know of girls coming from well-educated families, who are treated very differently from their brothers. When you are constantly told something, by not one, but many people, you start believing it. I think that’s why girls in many families do not question the blatant sexism because they don’t believe it is wrong.” 

And this is why it becomes all the more important to raise those questions.