Sibling rivalry

Renee Singh

A whole lot of us carry the burden of sibling rivalry.  No matter how old we get, we still suffer from the effects of ‘Mom and Dad always loved you more’. Much of our adult behaviour is coloured by this aspect which seems to colour our relationships with our siblings. 

Coping with sibling rivalry could be very stressful, we all seem to face it somewhere and sometime in our lives. It actually needs to be dealt with in childhood so that it doesn’t surface in our relationships in adulthood.  If left undealt it creates major family disputes and unpleasantness in the closest of relationships leading to immense stress.

Accept your reality 

You as an adult can cope with your issues if in your childhood you were taught how to manage your sibling relationships consciously. Relate to your own inner self. Try and be a good parent to your kids.

Today I will discuss how to handle sibling rivalry in children so that we consciously raise stress-free children who will further turn into well adjusted humans with comparatively low level of stress in a new zone of living.

Parenting consciously

This is most essential.  If parents are consciously monitoring their kids and making an effort in consistently bonding them in a mutually loving relationship, it creates great harmony.

Causes of conflict 

Most of the time it is the competition for the favour of the parents who need to understand that comparing two kids is the worst possible way of creating a love culture. Never ever promote competition between children.  In this way they learn to resent each other.

Clash of personality

You could have two different types of kids who could excel in their own way in different fields. In trying to shine over the other they spoil their personal relationship and get into resentful attitudes which they carry through life.

Unresolved rivalry

She is better than you - such statements from mothers are pretty common comparing one to her sister. Parents feel that by such statements they are promoting the child to do better. Not realising that they are promoting resentment in one child’s heart against his sibling. Promoting love and bonding between siblings is an essential part of parenting. This would be a vital in creating good adult relationships. 

Teach your kids to appreciate each other

One child maybe a reader, the other loves physical activity.  Do not compare. Try and show them both good in each other, so that they can appreciate each other’s qualities.  Make them both feel equally valued in your eyes. They will both bond better.

Encourage team spirit 

Between siblings this goes a long way in creating a stress free personality. If they feel they are a team working towards the same goal, they will feel aligned towards each other.

Lend a listening ear

Listening to your kids while they want to share their issues with you is very important. Promote love between them while they have petty squabbles. 

Emphasise on family bonding 

You need to explain to them that siblings are an unmatchable bond and that even though friends are more fun to be with, siblings must learn to stand by each other through thick and thin.

Teach respect

This is essential in building a good relationship.  Kindness and concern for each other is important.  Don’t show each other down. Try and keep a good tone of voice.

Be a good role model

Children unconsciously follow their parents. Show adequate love and good behaviour so that they can come up with problem solving solutions.  Emotional grounding is the vital ingredient of a person. If our relationship issues are resolved then we are very well adjusted humans. Ready to give and receive love.

(Singh is a Chandigarh-based psychotherapist)