O P I N I O N S

Touchstones
All in the race to get somewhere, and fast
We have gone too far on the road to damnation to ever turn back and learn to live with less, or to stop and lend a helping hand by sacrificing time or a piece of one’s life.
Ira Pande
Ever since I opted to step out of a working life, I have consciously taught myself to be satisfied with what I have. For years, I had juggled the complex duties of a mother, wife, daughter-in-law and working person (not always in that order) like some circus acrobat.

good news
Offering a dignified nest to rest in old age
Retired Patiala school teacher pools in all her resources to set up an old age home in a village
By Sarbjit Dhaliwal
Years ago, Urmil Kumari was about to enter the precincts of a temple in the heart of Patiala when she came across an elderly woman looking desperately for her son’s Army jeep in which he had brought her there. With moist eyes, the woman told Urmil how her daughter-in-law had been pressing her son to throw her out. He, she realised, had just done that.

ground zero
Just this to show for SAARC, but show must go on
India's relations with Pakistan shouldn't be like the famed lyrics of U2, the rockband: "I can't live with or without you." Modi sooner rather than later would have to find ways to engage Pakistan in a "meaningful" dialogue.
Raj Chengappa
When Prime Minister Narendra Modi and his Pakistan counterpart Nawaz Sharif finally shook hands at the concluding session of the 18th SAARC Summit in Nepal, the audience broke out into a prolonged applause. That act itself spoke much about how relations have deteriorated between the two countries in recent months.

Touchstones
All in the race to get somewhere, and fast
We have gone too far on the road to damnation to ever turn back and learn to live with less, or to stop and lend a helping hand by sacrificing time or a piece of one’s life.
Ira Pande

Ever since I opted to step out of a working life, I have consciously taught myself to be satisfied with what I have. For years, I had juggled the complex duties of a mother, wife, daughter-in-law and working person (not always in that order) like some circus acrobat. My entire day was divided into hours and minutes that were fine-tuned to accomplishing all my duties without missing a deadline. Naturally, I had no time to myself and eventually even forgot to treat myself with the same respect that I treated the others in my life. Over time, I was left with no personal preferences because everyone else’s lives were more important.

Give to receive.

When I turned 60, I decided that enough was enough and put in my papers. As I could have worked for another five years, my colleagues and friends were shocked and predicted that I would be bored. ‘How will you pass your time?’ they asked. I admit that occasionally I questioned my decision but eventually, almost three years down, I can tell you that I miss nothing of my old life: the dreadful rush hour traffic, the slavery of a six-day week, the tedium of a job that had lost its excitement and, above all, the tension of chasing impossible targets while working for a boss who I could have cheerfully murdered many times. Having savoured it now, I will never exchange the peace and happiness of a quiet home where my husband and I sit in companionable silence sipping tea while reading our newspapers and then retire to our respective dens to read, listen to music or just relax. Where I was forced to attend events that I did not want to, I now look forward to those that I choose to: I have finally discovered my lost self-esteem.

I used to think that ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) is a syndrome that afflicts little children and tries the patience of nursery teachers. It comes from a hyper-stimulated brain (too much TV, for example, is a culprit) and can lead to children who cannot seem to sit still and need constant action. However, I see more signs of this now among the grown-ups around me. No one sits still any more: their fingers are busy working on their mobiles and they are either playing with some App on their phone, or texting or listening to music through their earphones. Since they are so wired, they cannot afford to waste a single moment of their lives. On the roads, the traffic light barely turns green before a cacophony of horns blasts your ears as impatient drivers begin their favourite game of chasing each other. Stand in a queue? Never. These so-called adults will lunge from behind the man in front and wave their hand to reach the window first. They buy a gadget and six months down the line, are ready to exchange it for a faster, jazzier model. Everything has to be available now, this instant. Patience? What on earth is the use of that when everyone is on the move and no one wants to get left behind in the race to the end?

Reflect on what happens every night on your TV screens as six well-known personalities shout at one another without listening to either the anchor or their fellow-panelists. Ironically, our parliamentary debates have become more civil now and if you wish to hear a well-argued issue, tune in to the Lok Sabha or Rajya Sabha channels. In a country where space is of a premium, no one will concede an inch to anyone else. If this means, elbowing out the old and infirm or making way for oneself over a fallen body it is justified in the name of progress and success. It is because we have privileged the end over the means that we have spawned a new generation of Indians who have little time to waste on any activity that does not have a tangible personal benefit. Is it not sad that business houses have to be given tax benefits to perform acts of corporate social responsibility (CPR)? Time was when such business families endowed educational institutions and hospitals, research bodies and funded scholarships for further study. The rich think nothing of splurging mega money on vulgar weddings but will try and wriggle out of any benefit to their own employees and circumvent the labour laws to save money.

I fear we have gone too far on the road to damnation for us to ever turn back and learn to live with less, or to stop and lend a helping hand by sacrificing time or a piece of one’s life. Years ago, when Mother Teresa came to Chandigarh and addressed an audience of the city’s rich and famous, she said something that has stayed with me. ‘I do not want your money,’ she said, ‘because that is the easiest thing for you to give away. Give of yourself and give till it hurts.’ Ask yourself how much is enough and learn to live with less. Believe me, there is no greater sense of peace than knowing that you are satisfied with what you have.

good news
Offering a dignified nest to rest in old age
Retired Patiala school teacher pools in all her resources to set up an old age home in a village
By Sarbjit Dhaliwal

Years ago, Urmil Kumari was about to enter the precincts of a temple in the heart of Patiala when she came across an elderly woman looking desperately for her son’s Army jeep in which he had brought her there. With moist eyes, the woman told Urmil how her daughter-in-law had been pressing her son to throw her out. He, she realised, had just done that.

Urmil Kumari (centre) with residents of the old age home. Tribune photo: Manoj Mahajan

Moved by her plight, Urmil took the woman home. That day, Urmil resolved to do something for the elderly men and women who quietly suffer humiliation at home. Posted as the centre head of the government primary school in Patiala’s Model Town, she approached the panchayat of Chaura village, located on the outskirts of the city, where she had served as a head teacher in a primary school.

The panchayat agreed to give her land to open an old age home. She spent Rs 4 lakh for filling the chunk of land where earlier used to be a village pond. Whatever money she had saved, Urmil spent to build two rooms, a small kitchen and a hall. After her retirement in 2001, Urmil involved several people in her mission to expand the home. In 2005, she was joined by Pratibha Sharma, a retired principal of a model school. Both are now running the old age home without any support from the government. They’ve also put in place a governing body headed by a retired Colonel, Karminder Singh.

The old age home now has 33 residents. Many have families but get few visitors. There have also been instances of sons not turning up to perform the last rites. The management, on its part, does everything it can to keep the residents in good spirits, even organising visits by school students to not only spend time, but also to sensitise them about valuing the company of elders and taking care of them in their old age.

Money, of course, is always an issue, but that, Urmil says, is not the prime concern. Respect and dignity, these are far more pressing needs for the residents. The monthly expenditure for the 33 old age home residents comes to Rs 1.25 lakh and is raised through donations. There are more than 200 regular members and each contributes Rs 100 every month. Then there are other donors who make contributions on the anniversaries of their elders. “In fact, there is no dearth of people keen to donate money for the home,” says OP Garg, a retired BBMB engineer, who is associated with the home. Some inmates belonging to well-off families, he adds, even contribute themselves.

What the management would want is more help in kind, rather than just cash. Like, regular health check-ups. Since there is no government help and not many private doctors can spare time to make regular visits to the old age home, taking care of residents who are not doing well health-wise becomes a difficult task. At the time of hospitalisation, providing attendants becomes a real issue.

Then, other issues which seem quite routine crop up. Take the case of LPG cylinders. Urmil says they have to pay the commercial rate of Rs 918 per cylinder. “We will somehow raise the money and at times even fall short, but I just wonder, why should the state charge so much for such a noble cause?”

She quickly changes the topic, however, and looks all bright. “We will take care of them, don’t worry,” she says resolutely. They certainly will.