This Above all
Names and meanings
KHUSHWANT SINGH

What’s in a name," asked Shakespeare. And himself replied: "Nothing. Because a rose with any other name will smell as sweet." He had not travelled abroad, nor known any other language besides English. Unfortunately, a word or a name in one language can mean something quite different in another.

The latest victim of double meaning is our much-loved Chief Minister of Delhi Sheila Dikshit. Dikshits are high-caste Brahmins. In English slang, when broken into two — dik shit — it means birds’ droppings (beeth). So an ill-mannered Kiwi commentator mocked her by pronouncing her name in his own way. Our government lodged a protest with the New Zealand High Commissioner in New Delhi. He tendered an abject apology.

An ill-mannered Kiwi commentator, during the Commonwealth Games, mocked Sheila Dikshit by pronouncing her name in his own way
An ill-mannered Kiwi commentator, during the Commonwealth Games, mocked Sheila Dikshit by pronouncing her name in his own way Photo: PTI

It reminded me of another similar case. I was in Stockholm to attend a meeting when I met a certain Professor Lund, who was about to leave for India on a lecture tour. He came to me to get some tips about my country. After answering his questions, I warned him: "Don’t be surprised if a part of your audience breaks into smiles or sniggers when you are introduced." When I explained to him why, he exclaimed: " I am glad you told me. Only last month I had to escort a lady professor from your country around Swedish universities. Her name was Professor Das." "Das is a common surname in India," I said. "In Swedish Das means shit."

There is a tribe in Assam called Choottias. How does any one of the tribe explain his tribal identity in northern India?

Kasauli and Murree

Two small townships — Murree in Pakistan and Kasauli in India;

What is that common to both?

Both are hill resorts of repute;

Right. But, says a geologist;

There is more to it than the mere scenic charm of the hills; Same are the rocks they are founded on;

Common is their basin of

deposition;

The same is their geological age;

Some 20-odd million years;

The rocks are common — of shale and sandstone;

They are assigned different geological names;

Over 400 km separate the two townships;

No LoC for them;

No barbed wire fence either;

Along the border of India and Pakistan;

Because they are rocks, stones;

Not human beings!

(Contributed by K.C. Prashar, Kulu, HP).

Family planning

God decided to encourage people to have less children and introduced an award scheme. During the procedure at one point, He concentrated on learning about the situation in India. He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven, and asked him how many children he had during his time on earth. Nehru replied: "Only one."

Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded Nehru with a Celestial Rolls Royce. Indira Gandhi was next. God asked the same question. She replied: "I had two children." God thought: "Not too bad." So he gave Indira a BMW.

Sometime later, both Nehru and Indira were going around in their new cars. They saw Mahatma Gandhi on foot. Wondering what went wrong, they asked why God hadn’t been merciful with him. The Mahatma replied in disgust: "God did not even ask me. Some idiots told him that I was the Father of the nation."

(Contributed by Vipin Buckshey, Delhi)

For Punjabis only

Col. V.K. Naroola has sent me his contribution which only Punjabi-speaking people will be able to understand. My apologies to those who do not know Punjabi.

Punjabi is a mathematical language — Dil V 13; 80 V tere; Hor 10; Ki haal A 13; Yaran dostan nu ainj nayi 27 da; OK G; Ijazat 2; 32 Bujhao, te 100 jao.



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