Till holidays do us part

The concept of separate vacations, something that was unheard of even a few years ago, is now rather common among urban upper middle-class couples. Often due to busy work schedules, they can be seen heading off on their own when unable to manage time-off together. Ritusmita Biswas takes a look

TILL death do us part seems an obsolete concept. Now even vacations are enough reason for urban couples to part ways. Take, for example, Nilanjan and Sharmistha Roy of Kolkata. Their family of four always part ways during vacation times, simply because they have different tastes and preferences. So, while their twin sons head towards a summer camp in Darjeeling, Sharmistha heads to her elder sister’s home in Bangalore where she can spend some time with her maternal family. Nilanjan, on the other hand, would be joining his office colleagues for a hiking expedition to the Himalayas.

Families like the Roys are not a rarity in the recent times. While there are still many people, who essentially treat vacation time as family time, there is a growing number who likes to take time off in order to find their own space and rediscover themselves.

Says Mandira Mitra, head of the eastern region of Integral PR,: "Holidaying alone, once in a while, is a must for me as I need to unwind and find my own space. Yes, my husband and I like spending time together but vacationing alone, at times, becomes a necessity. It may so happen that the two of us might not get time for a holiday together, however much we like it. In that case we are mature enough to go ahead and take a vacation on our own."

There is nothing to feel guilty about it, says Ishita Bardhan, DGM (HR) in IBM, Kolkata. "To be honest, we women often get lost between our careers and families. We forget to take time out for ourselves and get stressed and burned out easily. In most cases, we like to blame the glass ceiling in the corporate world for the lack of growth for women, but, I feel, it also has to do with our internal stress levels that we stop growing after a while. Therefore, I think it is important for us to take time out and be selfish once in a while. I have been on some vacations without my husband e.g. the salsa congresses that I travel to. I have usually gone there with friends who dance and since it was my own special time, I could really follow my passion without feeling guilty for being selfish."

At the same time, she points out that as her work entails a lot of global travelling so many times now, she looks forward to vacations with her family where she gets to spend time with them. This logic is supported by Wipro IT executive Arijit Manna, who cannot imagine a vacation minus his wife Senjuti and son Amitrajit. Arijit, who is based in London at the moment, recently took a two-week break with his family in Italy. "How can you be without your family in a vacation? It will spoil all the fun?" he says.

Capt Surojit Biswas, who is with the Merchant Navy, endorses this view and says that for him, too, vacation always means with family, as else he would feel guilty. "If I am travelling for work and come across an interesting place, I would definitely go ahead and see it. For instance, during my last voyage I was in Greece and took a trip to Athens minus my family. I had always wanted to go there and could not just let the chance go! However, this year, I plan again to visit the same place with my wife and kid."

When asked if his wife would mind had he taken the vacation alone, he says that she probably would not. Today couples are much more mature in their dealings, he feels. Says Mandira: "My last vacation was in South India minus my family. For me, it was a refreshing break. My husband and family understand my need for space and they respect it." "There will always be apprehensions when a single woman is travelling.

However, modern methods of communication help me to keep in touch constantly thereby reducing tension to a great extent. So, even if my wife is taking a vacation alone, I can constantly update myself as to where she is and how she is enjoying. I have nothing against my wife taking a vacation alone, as I believe it enables her to get her own space", says Mandira’s husband, Sakyasen Mitra.

Mandira’s sentiment finds reflection in Ronita Mukherjee’s views. Ronita, who travels a lot across the country, often on her own or with a group of friends, feels that enjoying separate vacations in no way signifies that a person is less committed towards his/her own family. "I have a very tight work schedule and so does my husband. Both of us love to travel but often it happens that our holidays do not match. In that case I see no point in sitting back at home and cribbing. I love travelling and going to new places. So I’d rather go out and enjoy my well-earned leave," she says.

For Rupa Chakravarti Sen, however, the concept of separate vacation stems from an intrinsic difference that she and her husband has. "I love the hills and my husband loves the sea. I love to laze around and do nothing in my holidays while he is an outdoor man. To sum up, our holidaying temperaments do not match at all. Initially, we used to visit the hills once a year and seaside the next year. But later we realised that going on a kind of holiday that one really does not want is a stressful affair and robs one of the pleasure and relaxation factor of the holidays. It was then that we took the decision of enjoying separate holidays," she says. "It does not, however, mean we do not love spending time with each other. On the contrary, we love being with each other and even during a hectic work schedule, we go out for movies or dinner dates," she says.

Travel professionals agree that this concept of separate vacation is an emerging trend. Says Ravi Mohapatra, vice-president (sales and marketing) for the Mayfair group of hotels, "The trend has been present quite obviously since the past one or two years. There are cases of single parents, exclusive ladies groups and single women, who independently avail adventure trails and sports in their package. The volume may not be too much but their presence does significantly contribute to the revenue," he says.

However, it seems that this concept of separate vacation is essentially a young urban phenomenon, and the older couples are still reluctant even to think about it. Says Anupama Sikdar, who is in her late sixties: "Today’s women are confident travelling alone whether for need or pleasure. Unlike us, they are not nervous; thanks to the confidence they have developed after entering the employment sector. I think this has made the concept of separate vacation possible," she says.

Psychologist Anamika Ghosh says: "Thanks to their hectic work schedules, couples today have very less time for themselves and, therefore, they are not willing to lose out on anything in life for the sake of anyone else in life, however close that person might be. Thus the concept of separate vacation is on the rise. This, however, does not signify at all that the family bond is weakening. Rather, I would say most women nowadays are independent as compared to their counterparts in yesteryear and, hence, can afford to go out on separate vacations, even though it might not be sponsored by their spouses."

Whatever be the reason, it cannot be denied that couples, like everything, are mature over their vacation plans, too. They do not mind if the other partner takes off alone. For them, marriage is not about the quantity of time they spend together but the quality of relationship and understanding that they have.