Knot at a cost

Many youngsters are going in for inter-faith and inter-caste marriages to script the
story of a new Kashmir, but this is proving costly with various communities resorting
to violence to thwart such alliances, writes Jupinderjit Singh

Photo: Kuldip Dhiman

LOVE, they say, can bridge many a gap. Therefore, a large number of second-generation Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and Christians are increasingly choosing the "bond of love" over a communal or caste one in the strife-torn valley of Jammu and Kashmir despite a violent suppression of such alliances. Many persons have either been killed in the process or been forced to kill their feelings. Many are living in hiding and many outside the state. Those who continue to live here are treated like outcastes by their communities and families. Yet, the inter-community love affairs go on.

Even though such marriages are seen as a veiled bid to decimate the numerical strength of a community in the state, where the demand for a separate homeland is raging since decades, inter-faith marriages form an undercurrent of a new Kashmir. But are they a solution?
When Amina Yusuf of Kashmir and Rajnish Sharma of Jammu fell in love eight years ago in Gulmarg, they dreamt of a new life and a new Kashmir. A Kashmir where, like them, people from different faiths could not only dare to marry but also live together peacefully.

But that was not to be. By Amina’s own admission before the Jammu police and the media, the couple went on to marry against the wishes of the families and the diktats of their community leaders in August last year. But they could live together only for a few days. Rajnish was booked on the charge of kidnapping and forcibly marrying the 26-year-old Amina, aka Anchal Sharma post marriage.

He was "picked up" by the cops on September 29 and found dead in the Srinagar police’s custody on October 4. `A0 A judicial investigation is on in the case. Amina, after living with her in-laws for three months, returned to her parents’ house this January. Later, Amina retracted from the love affair in a statement before a Srinagar court. She claimed she had been forced to marry. The court hearing is on.

There are many others like them. "On an average, we get one such case daily in Jammu city itself. Often, it is easier to trace and catch a militant than a runaway couple," admits a senior police official requesting anonymity. "We go by the law. The girlparents file a case of kidnapping and add the charge of rape later. It boils down to the girl’s stand. If she deposes before a court that she had gone of her own will, which happens rarely, the law protects the couple," says the senior police officer.

He narrates documented tales of runaway couples being recovered from places as far off as Goa and Siliguri. "Couples elope the world all over. But in this state, it acquires far more serious proportions," he says, pointing towards the communal divide. "No community here wants its members to join another community after marriage. The community members fear that one by one, their numbers will dwindle and the demographic change can affect the separatist demand. Interestingly, parents don’t mind if their son brings a girl from another community and converts her".

"But when it comes to their daughters marrying outside the community, there is violence and bloodshed," says former DGP M.M. Khajuria. Enquiries reveal that such runaway couples are found in each colony and region of the militancy-hit state. Many are going through the painful process of having to face society. Others have settled down, albeit in isolation, after braving it all.

Many Kashmiri Pandits marrying Muslims or vice-versa are those whose parents are still living through the wounds of the separatist movement. Elders of different communities openly scoff at the suggestion that the younger generation is scripting the story of a new and mixed society that would never be able to seek division on the lines of community, caste or race.

The marriages between Kashmiri Pandits and Muslims arouse the strongest passions. "There was a time when Kashmiri Pandits marrying Dogri boys or girls was a big no-no. Now, you find hundreds of such cases," reveals a sociologist, preferring anonymity out of fear of a backlash. The case of Kashmiri Pandits and Muslims is significant. The Pandits driven out of the valley have a natural grudge against the Muslims. The latter, too, demanding a separate state for their community, are naturally averse to any such alliance. But their second generation is determined to follow the diktats of the heart.

Interestingly, the first family of the state, the Abdullahs, are the most secular. Union Minister and former Chief Minister Farooq Abdullah is married to a Christian. His son and serving Chief Minister Omar Abdullah is wedded to a Sikh girl. His sister is married to a Hindu, the Union Minister of State for Telecommunications, Sachin Pilot. But it isn’t smooth sailing for everyone.

"What wrong did we do?" asks Shabnam with her husband Ravi Sharma (names changed) holding her hand tightly in their two-room rented house in the city. "We are both working in a multinational company. We liked each other, respect each other’s religion and told our parents of our decision to marry. But there was a volcano of a protest. We had no option but to elope. We got married but were caught. He was booked for kidnapping but the court came to our rescue. Now, we are living happily," she says. Some even take the fight up to the Supreme Court. The case of a Muslim girl from Doda and a Hindu youth from Nagrota is a case in point.

The apex court provided security to this love-lorn couple, hounded by relatives and cops. Anjum, 19, a Muslim from Doda, and Khemraj, 24, a Hindu from Nagrota, eloped few months ago. Both belong to influential families. They are reportedly living in hiding.
The undercurrents have not escaped the eye of social observers. Dr Niharica Subash, assistant professor, sociology, Jammu University, has met 115 such couples who have crossed the social boundaries, "Couples from Hindu, Sikh, Muslim and Christian families, especially the Dogris and Kashmiri Pandits, are running from their homes and marrying. Of these, a Hindu-Muslim, and specifically a Kashmiri Pandit-Muslim marriage, is a cardinal sin and
often results in violence, as happened in the Amina and Rajnish case".

Conversion after marriage becomes the main issue. The DGP remembers how a Sikh girl despite marrying a Muslim in England spent a torturous life for years. She wanted to follow her religion but there was opposition. She pulled along for a few years. But when it came to the children’s religion, she left the family.

Dr Niharica recalls her experiences in meeting two such couples, "Some Hindu girls had got converted. One of them agreed to talk to me on the condition that I wouldn’t disclose that she was originally a Hindu. She had adjusted so well in her new life". Another case was even more telling. "This woman, originally a Hindu, just refused to acknowledge that. She showed me the door, saying she was born a Muslim".

And it is not that all are living unhappily. "Ayaz and his Hindu wife are living happily in Jammu with both practising their respective religions. Even Ayaz’s sister, married to a Hindu, is living happily. Both had got their marriages solemnised outside the state in a court.

"This trend of going outside the state for marriage has been noted in most of the cases," asserts Dr Niharica, "Most of the couples I have met, married outside the state, especially in Chandigarh and New Delhi. A few return to the state. They can get married here but the repercussions would be immediate, while outside the state they can get a safe haven."

Saranjit Kaur cites from her M. Phil study on emerging trends of marriages, "There was a time when no community married out of caste or clan. But slowly, a change is coming. Dogris and Pandits are marrying, though there is opposition, but most of the parents accept the alliance once the grandchildren are born.

"The children of Kashmiri Pandits, especially those born in Jammu after migration, identify themselves with the people and culture here. They accept them, unlike their parents, who were forced to leave the valley."

The biggest opposition is to Hindu-Muslim marriages. "In Jammu and Kashmir, it is feared that such marriages can affect the majority of a population in a given area. For instance, if Hindu and Sikh girls marrying Muslims practice their faith, the Muslim majority is affected in the valley. The whole aim of the secessionist movement, or demand for leaving India for Pakistan is the rendered useless," she reasons. There is trouble for Dalit-Brahmin marriages as well. Rahul Dev of the Progressive Students Association shares the trouble he faced on marrying a Pandit girl.

He belongs to the Other Backward Classes. His wife, Rosy, is a Brahmin. Both studied law together in college. When they decided to marry, all hell broke loose." "The religious and caste lines are so deeply set. My father is an ex-serviceman. He accepted after two years that I was marrying a Brahmin girl. He still says he did not feel as much pain from the two bullets that pierced him while fighting the enemy as much he did at his son marrying outside the caste," says Rahul. "But he still doesn’t visit our house," adds Rosy.

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