This Above all
Pakistan has no Ambanis
Khushwant Singh

DR Farrukh Saleem, a freelance Pakistani journalist based in Islamabad, wrote an article comparing India's rich with those of Pakistan. It was published in September, 2007. Amir Tuteja, based in Washington, sent me a copy. I quote a few excerpts: "The two Ambani brothers can buy 100 per cent of every company listed on the Karachi Stock Exchange (KSE) and would still be left with $30 billion to spare. The four richest Indians can buy up all goods and services produced over a year by 169 million Pakistanis and still be left with $ 60 billion to spare. The four richest Indians are now richer than the 40 richest Chinese.

"In November, comes Neeta's birthday. Neeta turned 44 three weeks ago. Look what she got from her husband as her birthday present. A $ 60 million jet with a custom-fitted master bedroom, bathroom with mood lighting, a sky bar, entertainment cabins, satellite television, wireless communication and a separate cabin with game consoles. Neeta is Mukesh Ambani’s wife, and Mukesh is not India's richest but the second richest.

"Mukesh is now building his new home, Residence Antillia (after a mythical, phantom island somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean). At a cost of $1 billion, this would be the most expensive home on the face of the planet. The height of the building of Mukesh's new residence for a family of six will be 173 metres. The first six floors are reserved for parking. The seventh floor is for car servicing and maintenance.

"The eighth floor houses a mini theatre. Then there's a health club, a gym and a swimming pool. Two floors are reserved for the Ambani family's guests. Four floors above the guest apartments are family floors — all with a superb view of the Arabian Sea. On top of everything there are three helipads. A staff of 600 is expected to take care of the family members and their home.

"For the record, Azim Premji is the richest Muslim entrepreneur on the face of the planet. India now has more than three dozen billionaires. Pakistan has none (not a single dollar billionaire)."

Dr Saleem ends his article by asking: "Why, when Indians and Pakistanis belong to the same race, eat the same food, speak the same languages, is there so much difference in their bank balances?" He answers it himself by asking another question: "What is it that Indians have and we don't?" And answers: "Indians elect their own leaders".

Sneezing

Everyone sneezes once a while. Even animals sneeze. I am a great sneezer and have been sneezing all my life. I am not sure what brings on a sneeze; perhaps it is irritation in the nostrils. You can ward off that kind of sneeze by rubbing the back of your neck. Sudden change in the temperature, allergy to something or a warning of something worse to come like a common cold could be other reasons.

I have come to the conclusion that if you have two sneezes in quick succession, there is not much to worry about; but if there is only one sneeze, take it more seriously and promptly swallow a few tablets of vitamin C. In the last few years a new pattern of sneezing has evolved in my ageing body. I get bouts of sneezing, sometimes nearly a dozen with short intervals of a few seconds between them. This usually happens soon after I have had my evening meal. So far I have thought it as a process of ageing but I may be wrong, and it may be more than nothing to sneeze about.

People associate some kind of malevolent spirit with sneezing. No sooner a person explodes with a sneeze, some one will invoke divinity: "Bless you.’’ With Sikhs it is satnam; with Hindus jeetey raho ; with Christians ‘bless you’. I am not sure what Muslims say ;perhaps Bismillah. I know Germans say gesundheit. Sneeze is onomatopoetic, i.e. a word based on a sound like that of a cuckoo’s call—‘coo coo’. In earlier times it was spelt ‘fneezing.’ A couple of centuries ago ‘fn’ was replaced by ‘s,’ and it became as we know it now as sneezing. It is the same with our language. In Punjabi it is nichh; in Bengali acheu; in Hindi and other languages of the northern half it is neechh. God bless all sneezers.

Fulfilling job

R. Srinivason, who represents Durex condom manufacturers in India, held a press conference in New Delhi where he announced new employment opportunities for men only. He said: "If you are over 18 and male, and wish to combine business with pleasure, then the post of condom tester may be the job for you. We are currently planning to recruit 1,000 men to test our products. So why not sign up for what is probably the best job on earth?

"In 2007, a study of the Indian Council of Medical Research concluded that the international condom sizes are too large for most Indian men. So Durex has responded by manufacturing a new range of 'snug fit' condoms, and it is these that we are asking Indian men to test.

"Durex received a tremendous response when it staged a similar campaign in Malaysia and its not just pleasure that is on offer.

"In return for providing us with detailed feedback about product performance, all volunteers will receive sweets, gift vouchers and I-pods. Furthermore, one lucky employee will win an all-expense paid holiday for two at a romantic getaway in Pune".

(Courtesy: Private Eye, May, 2008)

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