THIS ABOVE ALL
When silence is not golden
KHUSHWANT SINGH

My father was a compulsive party-giver. Curiously enough, no sooner had he invited half-a-dozen people for drinks and dinner, he would start fretting about it and hoping his guests would make their stay short and leave as soon as the meal was over. Once a while my mother, who did not have many friends, would invite her sisters and their husbands and other relatives. Then my father was in a panic because they were teetotallers, their wives vegetarians and preferred to sit apart from men and talk in whispers. All of them also believed that politeness required them to keep silent.

One thing my father could not stomach was a silent party. He insisted that my wife and I be present at these funerary gatherings. He would ring us up to remind us of our duty and check up if we had left our home and were on our way to his residence. We would dutifully arrive a few minutes later. From the line of cars along the porch we could tell that the guests had arrived; from the silence that prevailed we could guess my father was having a hard time.

My wife would announce our arrival by asking at the top of her voice: Kaun mar gaya (Who has died)? My mother would snap back: Maran saaday dushman (Let our enemies be dead). And the party suddenly came alive. My father's worried scowl changed into a beaming smile. He would call his life-long servant: Hariye, do whiskian (Get two pegs of Scotch whiskey). My wife would join the men's section with her drink in hand. I would flirt with my ageing aunts as I sipped my Scotch. The evening passed off till everyone embraced everyone else or touched the elders’ knees in gestures of farewell.

Shaking hands was disdained as westernised bad manners. My father sighed with relief and helped himself to a digestive liquor to ensure a good night's sleep. The moral of this long recounting of days past is that there are times when silence can be bad manners, showing lack of breeding. One must cultivate the art of good conversation. There are a few rules which should be observed.

The first is that you must not hog the conversation. If you do so, you deprive others from saying their bit and you will be regarded as a talking bore. The second, the most important, is to avoid talking about yourself. People are not interested in your achievements or your good opinion of yourself. Sheikh Saadi has a very telling couplet on the subject, which is one of my favourites: Sana-e-khud-bakhud guftan; na zebad mard-e-daana; ra choon zan pistan-e-khud maalad; kuja lazzat shavad baqi? (It does not behove a man of wisdom to use his tongue in praise of himself; what pleasure can a woman beget if she uses her own hands to rub her breast?).

A not-so-subtle form of self-praise is name-dropping. Some people are in the habit of speaking in this manner: "Manmohan rang me up yesterday and asked me how I was doing." "You know Gursharan recites the Gurbani very well". "Sonia was kind enough to send me greetings on my birthday". "Amitabh, you know Amitabh? I have known him and Jaya since they were married." Be sure your listeners will sense that you are a lying name-dropper trying to make yourself out to be a somebody.

I know a few other rules to be observed as I fancy myself to be a good conversationalist. There I go breaking my own rules and praising myself.

Stray dogs

Many of my friends feed stray dogs. My next-door neighbour Reeta Devi, the couple who live on a floor above mine Bika and Hiranmay Karlekar, my niece Veena Balwant Singh and Parveen Talha of the UPSC, who lives down the road — they set out every evening with packets of cooked food for stray dogs, who wait for them in packs wagging their tails in gratitude.

I know also a few people who regard stray dogs as a menace and carry sticks in their hands if any get too close to them. Stray dog-haters are more vociferous than stray dog-feeders. They have succeeded in persuading the municipal committees to catch and kill dogs without collars. It is inhuman and barbarous and against the law.

What applies to humans should apply to animals. Though animals breed in larger numbers than humans, their spans of life are much shorter. We are trying to control the explosion of population by advising couples not to have more than two children, and have nasbandi done. The same should apply to dogs and cats. Neutering by qualified vets should be made compulsory.

I am sorry, Bhajji, I am sorry, indeed".