For the love of arranged marriages

The young today want to have the wedding cake and eat it too. They want to opt for love marriage but with the horoscopes matched. The trend ‘arranged love match’ is fast catching up with GenNow, says Ritusmita Biswas

Sheila and Anand had been dating for the last few months. They liked each other and thought they had a future together. Their parents had met and had approved of each other’s family. However, there was a small hitch. The family priest of Sheila did not approve the match as he felt that Anand’s stars would not ensure a trouble-free life for them. So they decided to call the relationship off. Not only Sheila and Anand but both the families too parted in amicable terms and went forward to search a better match for their wards.

Twentyseven year-old Nitin Shah, a non-resident Indian, decided it was time he tied the knot. An Indian girl was the obvious choice but he hated the concept of going to the girl’s house and enduring the traditional ritual of seeing the bride. So his brother-in-law arranged a few dates for him from a list of girls that the family found suitable. On his visit to India, Nitin met each of them sans the family and finally found Sneha.

After a few meetings both of them felt that there was chemistry between them and they went ahead to confirm with their families. Their families met, parameters were matched and the happy couple tied the knot.

For the young Indians love definitely is in the air but it’s a calculated version. Devdas is no longer the hero. Dying for love is pass`E9 but, of course, it is a must that you meet and like (love?) your partner before you tie the knot. Says psychologist Mita De Bhowmick: "Youngsters today are much more cautious. They want to fall in love but don’t want to take the risks associated with being emotionally attached with an unknown person. Love, like their careers, is an agenda in their life that needs to be successfully completed."

However, Anirban Ray, an advertising executive, feels this is not the case. "We of the young generation are so tied up with our jobs and careers that even in our college days there’s no time to pursue an idle venture as love. But of course we can’t dream of living the life together with a person whom we do not know at all. Hence the concept of arranged love."

Nita and her husband Anubh met via a marriage agency. "The agency listed a data of suitable grooms for me and every weekend I dated one guy and if I liked him I got in touch with him again. I was lucky in the sixth week when I met Anubh. We already had matched all the parameters when we met and we definitely became very fond of each other after going around for a few times. Then marriage happened," says Nita.

A recent survey points out that in young India, 73 per cent would like to go for arranged marriages as compared to 24 per cent for love. "Of course, marriage is a lifetime decision. And so it is a must that both my family and I are well suited to my other half. Heady love or passion wanes after a time but the practical issues like compatible morality, mentality and outlook towards life’s crucial issues play a part for sure," says soon-to-be-married Anindya, a house surgeon at Calcutta Medical College.

Sanchita Bhowmick, who runs a marriage bureau in the Kolkata, says ‘arranged love’ is very much the order of the day. "We discuss with each person enrolled with us about the kind of person they would like to meet and share their life with. With inputs from them, we find suitable candidates from our database and fix up a meeting first between the prospective bride and the groom either at our office or in some restaurant. We believe that that the two should meet each other before they take the matter further."

It can be well claimed that the concept of dating in the Indian scenario has undergone a paradigm shift. For one, like the western societies it is now a much-accepted custom and regular dates among young people are becoming a steady feature in the Indian social scenario. Besides, there is now no social sanction notion associated with the concept of dating. A survey shows that 42 per cent of young Indians believe that dating is just a means of knowing each other and it is not necessary to marry the person you date.

However, many young men are not ready to buy the concept of "arranged love." Says Nita’s husband Anubh: "How can love be calculated? It’s such a heady feeling. Yes, before I met Nita I was dating and my moves were calculated. But once I met her, I was in love and there was no maths involved in it."