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Spouse stealing She fights for women branded as witches
Wildscreen awards
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Spouse stealing Simran’s case is not unique. Many young women today believe that having an affair with a married man is exciting and flattering. “In such cases, there is no question of a lifelong commitment,” says Sudha Rai, an executive in an IT company, “Such men are settled with good incomes and are often bored with their marital lives. They are looking for passion, and for us, it’s fun for some time. For women like us, attracting other women’s husbands is a challenge to our power and sensuality. Stolen sex is definitely great fun.” Stealing someone else’s marriage partner has become a serious game today, say counsellors. “Husband or wife stealing has become rampant because it is taken as a challenge by many young people,” they say. “It is a different kind of thrill.” It is a test of one’s sex appeal. Husband or wife stealing has become common also because of the greater social mobility and liberal sexual mores, which are sweeping society today. This is evident in films and television soaps today. Stolen sex and the power games people have to play to get into the bedroom hold a massive attraction for them. There is also quick boredom in marriages because of the greed for money and success. However, infidelity or stealing someone’s spouse is not a new phenomenon in Indian society. Indeed, some of the most famous law cases in the past have been about murders of wives by cuckolded husbands. For example, the 1959 daylight murder of playboy-philanderer Prem Ahuja after he had an affair with Sylvia, the English wife of Commander Kawas Nanavati shook the nation and was described as the ‘most-discussed crime of passion’ ever. Nanavati shot Ahuja and a high profile legal battle ensued in which Sindhi barrister Ram Jethmalani fought on behalf of the murdered Ahuja, a Sindhi, and Karl Khandalawala, a Parsi legal luminary, fought on behalf of Nanavati, himself a Parsi. The entire Parsi community demonstrated in favour of Nanavati, who was portrayed as a hero in media. In 1960, Nanavati was sentenced to life imprisonment but later was pardoned by Vijayalakshmi Pandit, then Governor of Maharashtra. The Nanavatis then left for Canada and never returned. Similarly, the gruesome murder of Naina Sahni by her husband Youth Congress leader Sushil Sharma in 1995, shook the nation when it was discovered that Sharma had shot Naina and consigned her dead body to a smouldering tandoor in the Ashok Yatri Niwas Hotel in Delhi. Sharma committed the murder because he discovered that she was having an affair with fellow Congress worker Matloob Karim. The case was fought for long years. In 2003, Sharma was sentenced to death. As of today, Sharma has filed an appeal and the final confirmation of the death sentence by the High Court is awaited. Between that period of famous crimes of passion and today, much water has flown under the bridge. Spouse stealing and infidelity have become not only more common than ever before, but they have also affected both sexes. Several Bollywood actors have set examples. BJP Rajya Sabha member Hema Malini married Dharmendra, who already had a wife and several children. They have two daughters. Sridevi and Boney Kapoor are married and have two daughters though Boney continues to be married to Mona Kapoor, mother of his son and daughter. Samajwadi Party MP Jayaprada married Srikant Nahata, an already married man. Sarika stole Kamal Hasan, husband of Vani Ganapathy and married him after she had two daughters by him. In films and TV serials too, leading stars are seen poaching other women’s husbands. Example: Meera Singhania, the vamp in Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, goes to the incredible length of murdering, plotting killings, blackmailing and committing several other crimes to get Mihir Virani, who has been Tulsi’s husband for decades. Many surveys reveal that women are usually thrown out when they are caught having extra-marital affairs. Men on the other hand, get away with their sexual escapades with married women, perhaps because of convention or because women are unwilling to break their homes and cause insecurity to their children.
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She fights for women branded as witches Anita
Sen, a programme coordinator with the NGO Udyogini, was killed in a train
accident in 2002. Anita believed that development work should be guided by
some core values like "sensitivity to society, simplicity, sincerity,
forthrightness and care for the smallest things". Udyogini — which
means woman entrepreneur — works with poor women to improve their skills
to earn better livelihood. In 2004, Udyogini, instituted two awards — one
for an individual and another for a group — in Anita's memory. In March
2006, Laxmi Jain, 43, won the award for her 20-year struggle in the villages
of Rajasthan against the victimisation and exploitation of dakans —
local women who are labelled as witches and then ostracised from society.
Laxmi was just 14 when she got married to a man who was not mentally stable.
She not only had to look after her husband, but also had to take care of two
brothers-in-law and two sisters-in-law. Today, Laxmi, mother of two
children, heads the Women’s Empowerment Programme of Seva Mandir in
Kherwada block, Udaipur. Seva Mandir, an NGO, has been working in the area
of women's empowerment for almost two decades. Here are excerpts from an
interview with Laxmi Jain: You were very young when you got married
and were burdened with several responsibilities. How did you still manage to
work for the community? While carrying out my household duties and
taking care of my husband, I started studying again, after a long time. My
in-laws let me study when they saw my determination. In 1984, I did Class
10. My initial desire was only to work, earn a living. So I joined an anganwadi
(childcare centre) and later worked in an adult education centre. But
sometime in 1985, I got involved with the dakan (witch) issue. A widow in my
village was declared a witch and harassed, particularly by a local
policeman. This incident sparked something in me; I realised I had to do
something for such women. How widespread is the dakan problem? It’s
an old belief in villages that some women have the capability to harm
others. It is believed that these women have 'magical powers', which they
themselves are not aware of. They can take the shape of a cat or snake and
kill a person. So, the villagers ostracise these women and spend a lot of
their resources in warding off the evil spells that these witches are
supposed to cast. According to a survey done in 2005 in 22 villages in
Rajasthan, most women labelled as dakans are old (between 50 and 80 years),
some are even disabled. Besides ostracisation, they suffer verbal abuse in
public; are sometimes attacked by axes and sickles; and even suffer abuse at
home. Often, it is the men in the family — son, husband or in-laws — who
label their women as witches. Children of such women suffer a lot. They have
to drop out of school because they can't take the insults. Is it just an
old belief or does a woman's social position make her more vulnerable to
this kind of violence? Almost half the victims come from well-off
families. Factors like marital status (widows are more vulnerable), age and
disability of the woman play their part. Often, the trigger for declaring a
woman a witch could be a land dispute, infertility, long illness of a family
member, fear of the woman finding out about her husband's affair. Witch
accusations have been used to settle scores in land disputes. Sometimes,
it's simply superstition — a woman who lost three of her four sons was
declared a witch. How did you tackle this? We noticed that most
women never reported the matter to the police. The police was apathetic
towards their problems anyway. In 1985, after joining Seva Mandir, which was
already working on the issue, I decided to approach the jaati (caste)
panchayats. It is these panchayats which publicly declare the women as
witches. Most panchayats are dominated by men. Initially, they were
reluctant to listen. But we persisted. We even organised training sessions
for women to speak about the violence they suffer on this account. We
explained how the dakan system was, in a way, like domestic violence. Most
of the women declared as witches had some kind of conflict at home. We also
organised an interface — between some of these women and the panchayat
leaders. We have launched several awareness campaigns on the issue.
Simultaneously, we have been working with young men, adolescents,
sensitising them to the problem. How have men responded to your
role? After all these years, they have realised that I am committed to
this issue. Now, when I speak, they (men in the caste panchayat) listen. I
have an identity. I have created a space for myself. It's been a slow
process, but I have realised the power of collective action. I have also
realised that no big change is possible without the participation of men.
They have a big role to play in reproductive health and abortions based on
sex-selection. And, contrary to popular belief, men are willing to listen.
In a way, my confidence to carry on working has come from the fact that men
are willing to debate on these issues. — WFS
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Wildscreen awards
Britain’s prestigious
Wildscreen 2006 Panda Award went to David Attenborough’s film Life in
the Underground, while Indian filmmakers won two of the 22 awards.
Attenborough’s film dealt with small creatures of the forest. It was
co-produced by the BBC Natural History unit along with Animal Planet. In a
ceremony at Bristol, India’s Bahar Dutt won the award for her news expose,
The Last Dance of the Sarus, which depicts how a Chief Minister in
Uttar Pradesh was allegedly proposing to ruin the natural habitation of the
sarus cranes to build an airstrip. The second award for films from
developing countries went to Cherub of the Mist, produced by India’s
Bedi Films. The film is about the red panda, which has been facing
extinction due to large-scale poaching by cowherds from Nepal. Bahar Dutt,
who works for CNN-IBN, was not present to receive the award. The award for
the Cherub in the Mist was received by the second generation of Bedi
brothers, 27-year-old twins Vijay and Ajay, sons of wildlife filmmaker
Naresh Bedi. "The award will help the survival of the young red pandas
of India, which unlike the giant pandas of China have not received much
attention," Vijay Bedi said. He said following the making of the film,
West Bengal Chief Minister had come forward to help protect the red panda by
banning and getting a fence erected to prevent the movement of cowherds
(poachers) from Nepal. "The movie has been causing considerable
ripples in the festival and among the viewers who have seen it in India and
overseas; that will hopefully help the cause of the panda, which currently
number only 1,500," Vijay Bedi said. The red panda film took three
years in the making and cost around Rs 8 million. According to Harriet
Nimmo, chief executive of Wildscreen, "Wildscreen will make a debut in
New Delhi in January 2007 to showcase some of the best films at the awards
this year with major focus on educating youngsters — the future generation
of film makers. — IANS
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My cell phone beeps every five minutes and it’s my best friend’s husband Romesh who’s messaging me passionately every hour,” says Simran Lal, a busy model. “Though I am embarrassed by his passionate suggestions, I am also attracted by his admiration and flattery. My friends, who are in the modelling career, tell me that I should go for the man – who is rich and handsome – if I really like him. They say that times have changed and there is no guilt in stealing a man from his wife if you really fancy him. So I have decided to respond and have some fun. I began to call him as well and we are now in a relationship, which we hide from his wife. When she finds out, there’s going to be hell for all of us but the thrill of the present is great.” 
