The Sunday Tribune

Relationships
When looking younger becomes a problem
Taru Bahl

Rahul was the quintessential good-looking young boy. If at 22 he looked as if he was just out of school, at 45 one could have easily mistaken him from being right out of college had it not been for his receding hairline and wispy streaks of grey around his temples. While others worked hard at acquiring youthful looks, Rahul did everything he could to look older. For, somewhere in his mind, there was a connection between looking old and appearing wise, mature and dependable. Being a serious sort, he hated being complimented for his looks. Appreciative and often envious barbs about his looks, made him feel that he was not being taken seriously.

If teachers sought him out, it was not because he had the best answers or the neatest notebooks but because he was such a cute little darling. This often led to his being given preferential treatment, much to his chagrin.

Embarrassed and ashamed, he tried every trick in the book to look older, from growing Elvis sideburns to giving up wearing jeans and T-shirts and sticking to formal pleated trousers. Starkly different from other children his age, he wanted to be known for the books he read, opinions he formed and ideas that germinated in his fertile mind.

When his male friends regarded him as a Casanova, he felt it was the ultimate insult to his intelligence. In spite of everyone pointing out the huge advantage of getting immediate attention, he could not see why it had to be that way. Why could his work or what he spoke not be more important? Full of regret and apology for his natural looks, he never allowed this asset to give him the pleasure and confidence it could have. He tried dressing down, looking dishevelled and careless, but little did he know that he had become a trendsetter, spawning a fashion trend at college, with juniors cloning him. The more he tried playing down his looks, the more attention he received. Friends told him to make his millions in the world of modelling and fashion. The very thought of indulging in anything so "dimwitted", was anathema to him.

While at college, when it came to being assigned specific duties for events like college festivals, he found his name on hospitality/reception committee lists rather than on the more challenging organising and planning committees. He did not want to play softer roles. He thought he was capable of undertaking tougher, more challenging tasks. Ultimately. he did succeed in making people see "the true picture".

He developed his intellect by becoming a voracious reader and participating in debates and discussions. While still in college he took to wearing zero-power glasses, to attain a more studious look. He came across as one who worked hard at cultivating an image. His intelligence came between his ability to strike an instantaneous rapport with people and his desire to always be taken seriously. He was, thus, cheated out of countless opportunities where he could meet and interact with those who were young, energetic and fun-loving.

Whatever he did, he could not hide the fact that he looked younger than his biological age. When his wife Sarita put on weight after childbirth and began looking older than him, it created hushed whispers in social circles. Not only did people talk about how she had neglected herself but there were also rumours of his affairs with pretty and young-looking women. That he still attracted attention came as a not-so-pleasant surprise to him. It bothered him when shopkeepers at fancy malls made a beeline for him and went out of their way to patronise him and offer him discounts, little knowing that his wallet was always empty!

Fortunately for him, by the time he hit 40, and had lost most of his hair, he began to be taken more seriously. He no longer had to go that extra mile to let people know he was not just another "pretty" face. He got the instant respect he had always craved for. The lines around his face became more pronounced not because his skin was responding to the ravages of time but simply because he had developed deep worry lines.

By not looking after his physical health, his overall fitness levels had dipped. He was getting fatigued and looking haggard. Though his basic body structure was still youthful, his posture was stooped and he wore a perpetual cross look.

People had finally learned to take him seriously. No one joked when he was around because they knew he disliked frivolous talk, light-hearted banter and a fun ambience. He was sensitive enough to know that his colleagues and juniors did shake a leg and have their share of harmless fun but without him. There were times when he saw them through his glass cabin sharing a joke or flirting harmlessly. At such times he felt left out but then he had no one to blame as he had himself worked hard to build an image as a serious and capable person who meant business.

Although he still did not want to be complimented for his looks, he realised he could have been more gracious about acknowledging a gift that nature bestowed upon him. Had he taken the compliments in his stride and laughed more readily, he might have had a different life. He suddenly missed having friends with whom he could laugh, joke and play the fool. His children were aloof and only talked "sense", fearing that any form of nonsensical banter would earn his wrath. To please him they did the right thing in his presence. However, he could hear them sharing conspiratorial whispers, giggles and secrets with their mother.

He could also see that age had not been harsh to his wife. She looked happier, more at peace with herself. Besides, she had taken care of her physical appearance and at 50 she looked elegant. She had never been beautiful but age suited her, whereas he was looking shrivelled and sad. Why had he not realised this while there was still time to do something about it?

He had lost out on the spontaneity that comes with a natural bonding, be it with colleagues, family or neighbours. And now that his reputation was firmly established. he was not too happy about it. Could he reverse the process?