How to survive your first date
Poppy Gillespie

If only I had a fairy godmother. That was the thought that lodged itself miserably in my head as I stood in front of the mirror, forlornly viewing a huge pimple on my nose. In my fervent spot therapy I had exhausted a whole bottle of vitamin E oil and mashed carrots (my best friend Reeta swears this works) in an attempt to blast the blemish off my face. The spot wasn’t so much the problem as the rather inopportune time it had chosen to arise. It was, you see, the eve of my first date. The pimple, it seemed, was the one thing that stood, or rather throbbed, between me and love’s sweet dream.

In my pimple-induced panic, however, I had overlooked one simple fact, and that was...I was going on a date with a man. Generally speaking, men have a hard time noticing what you’re wearing, never mind that you’re not looking quite like the front cover of a glossy magazine, or even remotely like it really. A man who summons up the courage to ask you out in the first place is simply too overjoyed that you’ve said yes (and then turned up) to concern himself with trivialities. To a man, pimples rate very low on the scale of things.

Bearing this in mind, along with the following essential tips for enjoying, or even just surviving, your first date, you’ll find it is possible get ready for the act even without the fairy godmother. Whether you’ll find your Prince Charming or just end up kissing a frog, however, is entirely up to you:

So he’s asked you out, has he? That’s the good news. Isn't it? It’s usually at this point that you suddenly realise you haven’t anything to wear, that somehow 2 kg of fat has materialised around your thighs and that your skin has never looked more sallow. Chances are the first thing you’ll do after you’ve put the phone down or walked away from him is call up your best friend in a state close to nervous breakdown and wail: "He’s asked me out! What am I going to do?"

The most important thing to tell yourself is ‘Don’t panic’. When he asks you out, the best strategy is always to give yourself time to prepare. Don’t automatically plan your date for the first night you’re free. Give yourself some breathing space and allow for a few days so that you can look your best. There’s an added bonus to this, usually it’ll make him even more desperate to see you if you let him wait a little.

Bear in mind that for a first date, it is better to meet in the week rather than the weekend. Save Friday or Saturday night dates for later on when you’ve become a regular couple. Also, carefully consider your date options. Going to the cinema on the first date isn’t such a good idea, imagine sitting next to him for three hours and not being able to talk. Three hours later when the film’s over, you still won’t know if he has any strange personality disorders. The best bet, then, is to get together for drinks and maybe dinner if things go well. This also gives you the option to end the date if it starts getting boring.

During the countdown to D-Day, as far ahead of the date as possible, start making sure you get enough sleep. Aim for between eight and 10 hours a night. By the night of the date, your eyes will be sparkling, your skin will have had a chance to recuperate from any sins you’ve committed against it.

In the run-up to the date, keep yourself as occupied as you can with work, friends and other activities. Also make a point of reading the newspapers, watching the news and keeping abreast of current affairs. Mentally stock up on useful conversation topics, in case there’s lull during your date.

The day of the date could be one of the hardest you’ve experienced in your entire life (or at least since your last date). Pray for an understanding boss and a light workload. The night before, take care of small details, get a manicure and pedicure, make sure the clothes you’ll be wearing are clean and pressed. Go to bed a little earlier than usual.

The most important thing to remember is that a date is something to be enjoyed. This might seem obvious, but when you’ve got yourself worked up with nerves and you’re anxious about the whole thing, sometimes dates can seem more like torture. Develop a routine to help keep you calm. When you get home from work, or as you start to prepare for your evening, put on some romantic music and tell yourself to relax and enjoy every minute of it. So what if the date doesn’t lead to true love and romance? Actually having a date is much better than sitting home alone eating chips and watching television, isn’t it?

While most of us manage to rush home before a date, shower and emerge an hour later transformed from the rat-haired pasty thing we were at the office, sometimes this isn’t possible. If you have to go to your date straight from work, take a quick-fix kit to the office with you. Include moisturiser, toothbrush and toothpaste, extra make-up, a water spritzer to restore the bounce to your hair and give your face a quick boost, and maybe a change of clothing and jewellery and your favourite perfume.

As all common sense has a habit of flying out of the window when a man you’ve had a crush on for ages finally asks you out, it is good idea to enlist the support of your closest girlfriend and have her rifle through your wardrobe and suggest something to wear for the big occasion.

Again it may sound obvious, but the best clothes to wear on a first date are ones that make you feel comfortable; the last thing you want is to have to worry about whether the gaping front of your shirt exposes a little more cleavage than you’d perhaps care to reveal. It may look cool on the hanger but if you’re constantly tugging at it to keep yourself decent, then ‘cool’ it most certainly is not. You don’t have to go over the top on the wardrobe either. You’re not there to dazzle him with your groovy psychedelic shirt or nifty way with scarves...it’s you he’s more interested in, the less distractions the better.

A little make-up, dab of scent, touch of shimmer and a romantically sexy dress and you’re all set for your date. As you prepare to make your entrance, take a deep breath, and remind yourself "you are a creature unlike any other." Tell yourself that he is just as nervous as you are, perhaps more so and try to put him at ease by smiling and touching his arm lightly as you greet him.

And what do you think became of my date? Well, after three hours of sipping fancy cocktails by candlelight in the darkest of bars as I strategically sat with my ‘good side’ towards the light and my hair carefully arranged over the offending pimple, we ventured out into the bright and unforgiving fluorescent light of a shopping arcade, whereupon my dating partner proceeded to drag me to the nearest sports shop to gaze in awe at the window full of sports shoes. It was about this time that I realised what a consummate bore he was. Oh, and he also had this repulsive boil on his neck! (AF)

There is only one way to break up with someone. Tell it to her in person. Some books and web sites suggest; nay, encourage the use of devices such as electronic greeting cards to break the news of your break-up to her. If you do, you are a cowardly man who obviously neither has the integrity nor the sincerity to tell her that your relationship is over.

Using an electronic medium is not only insensitive, it also simply means that you will have to tell it to her in person yourself at a later date. You are merely postponing the inevitable as well as losing whatever shred of respect she had for you.

Where to go? When breaking up, invite her out for lunch or dinner at the very same place you first met or had a date together. The symbolic significance of your relationship having come full circle will not be lost on both of you during your break-up.

When telling her the awful truth, you should have a solemn face and say the words like you mean them. Telling her in person is never easy, breaking up never is, and you owe it to her to tell the news of your break-up to her personally. Not on the phone, definitely not over e-mail, but in the flesh.

Due to the fact that she might get emotional when you tell her the sad truth, you might want to break up with her somewhere hidden from the public eye. When breaking up, come clean. There is no room for any white-washing or delaying. That will only make matters worse and further prolong your agony.

Think of breaking up not only as the end to a bad relationship, but rather as the opening of new beginnings. New doors will be opened and new opportunities will come by. You are closing a chapter of your life and at the same time, starting a new one as well.

Each person thinks that their own break-up is unique and must have been the most traumatic in all history. The truth of the matter is that break-ups always follow the same pattern and, somehow, life goes on. You will meet new people, go to new places and your break-up will be but a distant memory, a signpost in your chequered and colourful life.

So you’re going to dump him. Poor guy. He deserves better. The only thing that remains is, how are you going to do it.

There are two schools of thought. One method is to treat him to a fancy night out, and a few seconds after the good-night kiss, break the news to him. The other method involves dropping lots of hints, before telling him, in person, that you’re leaving him. Try these proven lines. They’re short and sweet.

"It’s been great to meet you, but we just didn’t seem to click, I hope we’ll still run into each other now and then."

"I’ve enjoyed our dates, but not enough to keep going out. I hope you meet someone in the future who’s more suited."

"It was fun to see you last week, but let’s stop things here. I don’t think we’re right together and it’s better to stop while we’re ahead. See you around!" "I’ve really enjoyed talking with you about x, y, or z. But my gut feeling is that it’s not enough to create a relationship, so I think we should stop dating."

"I like you and that’s why I feel I owe you an explanation. I won’t be calling again, but I hope to bump into you in town sometimes. Take care."

Not only are they easy to remember, they will also make your guy feel as if he wasn’t totally rejected. The possibility of a platonic relationship still remains.

Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of simply not returning calls and hiding from him. It’s very irritating because it means he’ll be waiting for calls that will never come.