How to get ahead and stay ahead
By Rajshree Sarda
THROUGHOUT our lives we make mistakes and there are lessons to be learned from all of them and learning from your mistakes as well as from the mistakes of others is what “staying ahead is all about”. Anybody who stays ahead is almost always taking actions based on good judgement drawn from hard experiences.

How loyal is your best friend?

How to get ahead and stay ahead
By Rajshree Sarda

THROUGHOUT our lives we make mistakes and there are lessons to be learned from all of them and learning from your mistakes as well as from the mistakes of others is what “staying ahead is all about”. Anybody who stays ahead is almost always taking actions based on good judgement drawn from hard experiences. Unquestionably, the central element in the achievement syndrome is motivation. The person must not only desire success but he must be willing to sacrifice time, effort and immediate pleasures to achieve higher goals and greater success in the future. Success is not accidental. It is the result of our attitude and our attitude reflects our choice. Hence success is a matter of choice. How come some persons move forward with one success after the other while others never get beyond the take-off stage? What makes a person successful? To some people success might mean wealth. To others it is recognition, good health, good family, happiness and peace of mind. I rate peace of mind as topmost in my list because with peace of mind you can get wealth but wealth on its own cannot buy peace of mind. You have to create that from within.

In order to get the winning edge, we need to strive for excellence, not perfection. Striving for perfection can often be neurotic, whereas striving for excellence can lead to progress because there is nothing that can’t be done better or improved.

P. T. Usha was not five to ten times faster than the next best athlete, but her rewards were five to ten times greater.

Here are certain tools and techniques that we need to attain what we desire:

Invest in people. Some of the people I befriended in my school and college days, who were unknown then, have risen to powerful positions in business, education etc. It increases your power to get things done if you know someone who can make a decision or smooth away a problem. When you build such a relationship with someone you both can tacitly say to each other “if I have got something what you need, it’s yours.” It can be giving advice, opening doors, building morale, or being there in an emergency. You give and take and nobody keeps scores. It is important to meet people, and then make the effort to stay in touch. Helping people will not guarantee that they will respond in kind. You can count on about one in ten but this one makes up for the others.

Do not blame, change track. When your superior growls, your man yells and your important documents get misplaced, do not pout, scream or bemoan your lousy luck. Instead find out how you can make sure it does not happen again. Even when fiascos are beyond your control, try to keep your emotions in check and remain cool so that you don’t lose your sense of judgement.

Laugh, especially at yourself. “All successful people have a sense of humour. It’s what gets you through when nothing else will,” says Tina Tessina, a psychologist. Laughing is a great way to mitigate frustrations, she says.

Be dogged. Achieving your goals require concentration. Prakash Memani, a successful businessman in Chandigarh, shares his secret: “Co-workers are going to run at you, opponents will try to block your path, jealous colleagues will want to drag you down but do not get bogged down by these obstacles. Instead fierce determination will take you to your goal. It is the burning desire to excel in your job that will take you up and up.”

Beware of the expert. We all consult doctors, lawyers, bankers and other specialists to help us but we must view these experts with a sceptical eye. When something sounds fishy, ask: “Says who, where is it written?” Is the expert there to help you or to attend a bigger client, to please the boss or to win a better job? There was a public issue of a big business house, which talked of its long-term earnings, projecting the stock as a good buy. Six months after the report was prepared, the company went bankrupt.

Do not accept anything blindly. Ascertain facts before venturing into or investing in something.

Be flexible. Most successful people remain successful because they are flexible and not fixated on one kind of a thought pattern. Sudhir Lakhotia, 43, a self-made businessman has something important to say to all ambitious people, “If you do not change you can become extinct. With time, old ideologies have to make way for new ideas and I have always moved with the tide, changing with time and adapting to new methods. Noticing small changes early helps you adapt to the bigger changes that are to come”.

Recognise fear and greed. Take, for instance, lawyers — they like to make situations appear tricky and fearful. You buy a house and the lawyer says, “Maybe the title is clear and maybe it isn’t”. In essence he is telling you “you really need me”. Again take a stockbroker, he too makes money when you take risks. His method is to appeal to your greed but to minimise your fear. In situations like this, you have to create your own fear to counterbalance your greed.

Think like the other guy. If you think your competitors will fight you the same way you would fight them, you are mistaken. Put yourself in the position of your opponents. It is not enough to ask yourself “what will I do if I were in my competitor’s situation?” You will get a far better answer if you ask “what is my competitor likely to do?” says Deepa Mohunta, an interior designer.

Be focused. Without a personal philosophy, a strong perception of who you are and what you stand for, you will get buffeted around by every person, message, idea and event that comes down the road. You will find yourself running in all directions at once, instead of focusing on the pivotal problems. Remain focused about your goal.

The person who stands out in the crowd demonstrates that he has his own set of values and has a strong sense of self-worth. While the winds of conflicting ideas blow some people away and the tides of various fads wash others away, the person who knows what he is after will stand firm. Well, that is the big part in getting ahead and staying ahead.

FIVE SUCCESS SABOTEURS To rise in life, guard yourself against the following : 1. Pride. It takes you down on a one-way street. 2. Lust. Rupees are tangible but they mean nothing if you are spiritually bankrupt 3. Sloth. A lazy, careless or disorganised person can be an easy prey to competitors. 4. Snobbery. If you are not nice to people on the way up, you will feel sorry when you find yourself going down. 5. Attitude. Hiding insecurity behind a superiority complex repels people. These deadly sins are thousands of years old but they are as treacherous today as ever.

How loyal is your best friend?

YOU always put your best friend first — but does he or she pay you back in kind or are you totally taken for granted? Answer these questions to find out.

1. You turn up at your best friend's house, all dressed up and ready to go for a day's shopping. Is she:

a. Ready and waiting

b. Out — you are so late she has already left

c. Still in bed, asking you to make a quick cuppa

2. How many times out of ten will you initiate a telephone call?

a. Around five times out of ten

b. Nine or ten out of ten

c. Once or twice out of ten

3. Your best friend has a new love. Are you:

a. Ignored for a few weeks

b. Invited on a double date within a couple of weeks

c. Completely uninterested — you have a new love of your own and haven't got the time to listen to your friend's love story

4. You are shopping in the sales and there is a killer outfit which would suit both of you — but there's only one of it . Who gets it?

a. You every time

b. Your friend every time

c. You say she must have it, your friend says the same and you finally agree to share it

5. You are at a party and your friend gets chatting with a group of people. Are you:

a. Lurking in the corner waiting to go home

b. Beckoned over to join in the fun

c. Relieved — you are busy talking to someone yourself and thought your friend would never get into the swing of things

6. You are very upset and call your friend, begging her to come over and listen to your woes. What happens?

a. She comes even though you didn't when the boot was on the other foot

b. She comes straightaway — you are always there for each other

c. She is busy and refuses to come, saying you'll meet up in a couple of days for coffee and you can spill the beans then

7. You have to visit an elderly relative in hospital. Is your friend:

a. There with the fruit and flowers

b. Doing anything but helping you cheer up the patient

c. There on her own — you forgot to tell her you wouldn't be going after all

8. Your friend is desperate to go on holiday and doesn't want to go alone. Do you:

a. Give in and go even though you know you'll have an awful time being ignored while she gets chatted up on the beach

b. Rush out and get the brochures — you can't wait

c. Agree to go but only if you can choose the destination and hotel

9. Your best friend turns up wearing a headscarf, and takes it off to reveal a truly awful hair cut. Do you:

a. Laugh heartily

b. Sympathise, and offer to accompany her to the hairdresser to sort it out

c. Agree that it's all your fault for suggesting she had it cut and offer to pay for a salvage operation

10. How would you describe your best friend?

a. Bossy

b. Wet

c. Wonderful

 

Calculate your score
1. a5 b0 c10 2. a5 b10 c0 3. a10 b5 c0 4. a0 b10 c5 5. a10 b5 c0	6. a0 b5 c10 7. a5 b10 c0 8. a10 b5 c0 9. a0 b5 c10 10.a10 b0 c5

70-100: Your best friend has you exactly where she wants you— in the palm of her hand. You are like a little lap dog, wagging your tail or slinking back into your basket according to her moods. It's time to stop her taking advantage of your good nature. Next time your best friend asks you to do something that you really don't fancy, just say no. Your relationship will improve if you stop being a doormat.

40-65: You and your best friend are lucky enough to have the perfect relationship. Of course you get fed up with each other sometimes, but there is a really strong attachment there. You are loyal, supportive and kind to each other and keep selfishness to an absolute minimum. Don't change.

0-35: You may despise your best friend, but in fact you are the problem. You have taken your friend for granted for so long that you have forgotten how pleasant a more equal relationship can be. You tend to be bossy and dominating, thinking only of your own pleasure and convenience. Be careful — the worm may turn! And you could lose your friend forever.

— Asia Features