Win the war against Stress
By Rajshree Sarda
Depression, anxiety attacks, hypochondriasis, insomnia, stress-o-holism are all names given to symptoms of overstress. We now know that each of these is not a disease in and of itself. It may be a result of happy-messenger malfunction and the person’s largely futile efforts to cope with varying problems.

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Win the war against Stress
By Rajshree Sarda

Depression, anxiety attacks, hypochondriasis, insomnia, stress-o-holism are all names given to symptoms of overstress. We now know that each of these is not a disease in and of itself. It may be a result of happy-messenger malfunction and the person’s largely futile efforts to cope with varying problems. Men and women both suffer from stress, in varying degrees, but of late there has been more reported incidence of women becoming victims of severe stress.

Here, my focus is on the stress that women experience and how they can rid their lives of it. It is not difficult at all. They just need to focus on a revised attitude and as a practicing psychologist, I can assure you the results could be magical.

Women today who have ventured out to take on the responsibility of being both a wife, mother and a careerist have to learn how to cope with a great deal of physical and emotional stress that these multiple responsibilities bring about. The emotional stress is partly due to the cultural ingrainment and childhood conditioning about the tasks, roles and functions of the female gender.

Women have always been encouraged to be more compliant, nurturing and sensitive in her actions, thoughts and behaviour. In every culture, but in varying intensities, a girl child is brought up to believe that her primary responsibility is to be successful on the home front i.e. in taking care of her husband, raising healthy children and managing her household responsibilities efficiently. But there are women who have had the courage to loosen the shackles and confinements of rigid culture and social norms. They have risen steadily on the ladder of success, achieving positions as high-ranking executives, entrepreneurs etc. Somehow, some of these successful women continue to experience emotional stress, guilt and turmoil precisely because of the positions they occupy and what they are successful, independent, and high-achievers.

Why is this so? Psychologically, the emotional stress is compounded when the successful woman begins to dissect herself into distinct separate identities i.e. as a wife, mother, and a careerist rather than to view herself as a fully functioning integrated whole.

It is when the women start to analyse herself as a ''wife", "mother" and a "careerist" that the occasional pangs of guilt begin to surface in varying intensities. For a woman executive who has to attend an important meeting but is also needed at home to attend to her sick child, the guilt and anxiety is efficiently reduced only when she realises that she cannot demand a perfect performance from herself in all the roles that she has to perform in her life. She has to base her decisions seeing the need of the present moment, on the basis of priorities rather than make a choice between expectations and reality. She has to be realistic and should not pressurise herself to always perform at peak levels because that would be highly stressful. Therefore when she can view herself as intelligent, caring and creative with her shares of weakness, she can be relieved from the physical and emotional pressures of being a perfect wife, caring mother and an intelligent executive. Physical pressures too take their toll on women, not necessarily successful women only. Regular aerobic exercise, walking, yoga and meditation help to protect the physiological system and maintain a sense of well-being.

According to a Chicago-based psychiatrist Irwin.H.Gracer, women are better able to cope with stress than men. This is because women are less ashamed to display emotion and find it easier to verbalise their frustration to peers, friends etc. Spending time with oneself in solitude is also helpful in reaching the heart of the matter and thus relaxing our minds and bodies.

Also reduce your social/school obligations. Let someone else do the holiday dinner for the family or make it a potluck on paper plates. Tell your visitors from out of town to call you "just as soon as they get settled in a hotel room". Say "no" a lot more often to requests from others of your time.

Connect with family, friends, organisations, your neighbourhood and temple. By increasing your connections, you will increase your feeling of strength and reduce your worries. Connections is the one remedy I would recommend, above all others, in combating stress. You will also do better if you touch and hug regularly your near and close ones. We are a social species and do not do well in isolation. Your children, husband, mother are wonderful people to hug..

Begin an exercise that you enjoy, preferably do something that brings you into contact with other people. Enjoyable exercise in moderation boosts your "happy messengers" in a smooth and sustained fashion. It will make you feel better right away. Exercise has another beneficial effect. Most people when exercising do not worry. They are actually resting the nerve cells in the brain that worry, giving those cells time to renew. Dancing, music, meditation also relieve stress. Any activity which concentrates your attention on a subject other than life’s problems will help rest your mind. It will reduce tension, drain excess aggression and frustration, enhance a sense of well-being, improve sleep and help concentration. It is probably the best anti-worry agent we have.

Set regular sleep times. Avoid time-zone shifts or rapid changes in your work style.

An experienced counsellor can be of great help. It is often possible for a counsellor to pinpoint stressors which you may have overlooked. Counsellors can help you handle general life problems in ways that produce less stress.

If symptoms like fatigue, aches and pains, anxiety, problems in sleeping or excessive sleeping, lack of enjoyment of life persist for a long time then it is time to see a doctor/psychiatrist..

Exchange your stresses.

Lastly, exchange your stresses .If a new stress comes into your life, then make room for it by eliminating your previous stress. Do not let it pile up. Unburden your self with anybody you are close to. It helps a great deal. If you can’t do that then open your heart to the Lord. Let him shoulder your burdens for the Lord loves you and is with you always.

Remember

*Discussing one's problems with someone close to you is a good way not to let tension build up. It not only has a cathartic effect but also helps put situations in proper perspective.

*Taking a break from routine also helps. One can go on a holiday, go for a movie , just picnic around with friends/family or go off on an excursion all by oneself.

*Laughter is a universal stress buster and certainly the best medicine for a stressed out person. So, go join a laughter club or simply watch a rollicking comedy.

BEHIND every successful man, there is a surprised woman.

—Maryon Pearson

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

—Elayne Booster

In politics if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

—Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

—Gloria Steinem