Even she has aspirations

A WOMAN may physically appear to be in the pink of health but her mental health may not be so. The reasons are not far to seek. They are linked to our being slaves to old decadent ways of thinking of our grandfather’s time to which we blindly cling, despite all pretensions to modernity.

Just imagine, a young, talented, educated girl in her early 20s and bubbling with life, is married (or donated per se kanyadaan) to a suitable boy. Two individuals of different temperaments are enjoined together and supposed to live happily forever.

No one thinks of her aspirations.

Tradition has it that a father transfers the responsibility of looking after his daughter to a younger man. Even after marriage, her spirit is still caged, only the enclosure has changed. But wide open are the windows of her educated mind, to ask questions which are difficult to answer.

At the first lifting of her bridal ghoonghat she is expected to fall in love with her lord and master, an approved stranger, who is imposed upon her. But is love a part of a press button technology?

No doubt arranged marriages are stable and have stood the test of time. Of course, over the years one can appreciate a man’s good qualities and some can dutifully “love” him too. But that love “which ignites that sweet madness”, may always remain elusive. Marriage can be an emotional wasteland.

Let us be true to ourselves at least. Most of our marriages are loveless ones. Duty bound closeness is not to be mistaken for love.

Has one ever thought of what her state of mind can be, when other men enter her life? They can be aged between their thirties and fifties, bound to be married and having children too, just as she does. If the attraction is mutual, it can definitely be a dangerous situation. Using her head to control her heart, is sadly (but practically) the only way out. Once again those silent sighs of suppression. That brings to her mind, another conflicting question. Is mental adultery, an adultery? One wishes that there could be a synchronisation of both body and mind. Why can’t we just slough off our outdated beliefs?

The wife-right culture still prevails. Subordinating her will to her man is her fate. And heavens help if he is overly strict and demanding!

The wife exists for others, becoming a household attendant, a trophy wife and a social robot. It is an absolutely dissatisfying experience, especially when she submerges her personality, defacing herself completely and becoming the very antithesis of herself. Her inquiring self may not be able to accept so complete a subordination of a woman to a man. Where is the concept of so called equality? She remains at best, an unequal half, never an ardhangini, a possession, never a person in her own right.

In such a situation a woman lets life slide, always hurrying to finish the mundane things and still be found wanting. Her work can be physically demanding to some extent, but deep down inside, she is a most lonely person, drained of all emotions.

If she is talented and creative, she is bound to be a sensitive person too. She may be living in two worlds — one floating in the clouds in an imaginary world and the other physically living on earth, a dull and drab life. This dual existence can be killing and frustrating, as she is being constantly pulled down from the skies to the earth.

The yawning gap of what is and what should have been, finally takes its toll. Like dark clouds before a storm. Being under continued pressure from privileged male dominance, she can develop sudden mood swings, emotional outbursts like anger and anxiety and physical symptoms like constant fatigue, palpitation, migraine and insomnia.

Perhaps this is the reason why a woman develops high blood pressure. Then the vicious circle of those endless checks of blood pressure and medicines rolls in.

She may be well provided with the basic comforts and be materially well-off, but no one can fully understand as to why bitterness creeps in, gnawing her very insides. Because the windows of her questioning mind are always open, she is thought of as a queer person or condemned downright as a mad woman. With maturity, she is conscious of the fact that their wavelengths do not match. She desires a mental clicking for an emotional bonding, but may end up as an emotional wreck herself.

At times, she may want to break away and live alone. But where does she go?How many woman have fat bank balances or cash stowed away? Mentally she cannot resign herself to her fate. Her mind begins to question where is the harmony in her life?

What is the solution to this dilemma ? The burden will be lifted if men change their psyche and meet their wives midway rather than expecting her to make all the adjustments. Equalising of both the sexes will free them from duplicity, hypocrisy and male dominance. Then only a woman will blossom and be able to give her best to society.

— Roshni Johar

Gift a Ganesha 
By Chetna Banerjee

FOR ALL THOSE women wishing to bedeck their puja corners for Divali and those looking out for traditional gifts with a religious face there are a host of Ganesha icons ,mementos and curios to choose from this season.

Apart from the conventional clay idols of this elephant-headed god,there are the improvised versions in which terracotta images of Ganapati have been imparted strokes of paint ‘n’ polish to give them a more refined look.There are also papier mache idols,which are modestly priced at Rs 55 to Rs 75. Then there are the framed Ganeshas encased in eye-catching plastic fibre photo frames. These frames are available in a number of metallic hues like copper, bronze ,gold,etc, and have an intricately carved appearance costing anything between Rs 120 and Rs 175.

If you want to gift something more novel and artistic,you can pick from a range of metal,plastic and glass Ganesha lamps.A lamp in which a bronze “Siddhi Vinayaka” is shown seated next to a tiny replica of a lamp-post, with the word ‘millennium’ engraved on it to lend it topicality ,can be had for Rs 175. A fluorescent green or lemon-coloured frosted glass lamp in the shape of Ganapati is available for Rs 180 to Rs 200.

There’s also something for those who wish to make an exclusive style statement by gifting more sophisticated idols of this deity. The Vedic postures and poses of this mythological character have been translated into miniature crystal images. Though miniscule ,these Ganapati curios in crystal depict minute details. for instance, on closer scrutiny one can see tiny replicas of the conch ,crook, discus and mace held,respectively,in the four hands of Gajanana’’, another name for ganesha. The crystal idols cost about Rs 110 to Rs 130.

Another range of exclusive , albeit expensive, artefacts are the Swiss-made ,24- carat gold-plated photos of Ganesha and other divinities,like Goddess Lakshmi and Lord Shiva.Available in a well-known city emporium,they are steeply priced from Rs 695 to Rs 1750.

Also falling in the higher price range are the 22 -carat gold pendants of Ganesha and other deities available in varios jewellery shops .These are also much in demand owing to the ongoing wedding season and cost Rs 1500 onwards.

Ganapati murtis in other mediums like wood, marble and soft stone ,apart from the ageold mammoth brass and small silver statues ,adorn shop shelves .The tiny ones can be picked up for as little as Rs 40 .Particularly cute are the white metal engraved wall decorations which can be used to hang keys and can be had by shelling out a mere Rs 80.

With the winter season ahead , woollen applique-work wall hangings of Ganesha are also available. And they are also very affordable at Rs 20 toRs 50 each.

Make your ‘mithai’
By Geetu

Surprise your family and friends this Divali with these simple, easy to make mouth-watering mithais. Revive the magic of home-made sweets and add a personal touch to your preparations.

Groundnut Pedas.

Ingredients

250 gm-groundnuts

100 gm-grated coconut

100 gm-khoya

2 tbsp :-ghee\oil

200 gm-powdered sugar

1\2 tsp-cardamom powder

1 tbsp-chopped pistachio and chironji

Method

Soak groundnuts overnight and remove their hulls. Grind the groundnuts in the mixer to make a fine paste. Heat oil and roast the groundnut paste until it is light brown.Take off the fire and cool it. Mix khoya, grated coconut, cardamom powder. Rub the mixture till it is soft. Take a small portion and make pedas. Decorate with chopped pistachio

Petha Burfi.

1kg -petha

750 gm-sugar

500 gm-khoya

25 gm-melon seeds

10 gm-chironji

25 gm-blanched and sliced almonds and pistachio

4-5 strings-saffron and a few drops of orange colour.

Method

Peel and grate petha finely. Cook over a slow fire, without adding water. Add sugar and keep on stirring until it turns dry again. Soak saffron strings in a little bit of water and add it to the petha and sugar mixture. Add khoya and nuts. Mix till mixture turns thick and leaves the sides of the pan. Add colour. Put the mixture in a greased plate and level the surface. Cover it with silver foil and allow it to cool before cutting it into desired shapes. Store in an air-tight container.

Semolina Delight

200 gm-suji

200 gm-milk

200 gm-curd

200 gm-sugar

1\2 tsp-baking powder

100 gm -whipped cream

50 gm-sugar powder

10-20-pistachios and almonds

Method

Mix suji, milk, sugar and curd thoroughly to get a smooth paste. Add baking powder and beat the mixture for 2-3 minutes. Pour in a mould and bake in a pre-heated oven at 180o C for 15-20 minutes. Take it out from the mould and let it cool, before cutting it into different shapes.

For decoration: Mix sugar and cream and whip until it becomes light and fluffy. Cover the cut pieces with almonds and pistachios.